My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
