I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
