kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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