i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
