your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
