I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
