i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
