I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
