Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
