I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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