Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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