Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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