i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
