Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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