There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
