Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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