I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
