but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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