I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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