some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
