I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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