i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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