Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
