feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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