and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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