sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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