Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
