U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
