we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bring me that man meat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
