I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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