he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
