I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
