O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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