my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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