whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
