I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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