If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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