Whod you bang
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
