the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
