i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
