she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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