You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
