I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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