if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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