My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
