Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
