I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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