i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
