I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
