Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
