imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
