Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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