Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
