Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
where are you?
Hypothermia
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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