Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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