Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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